People often think of physical wounds when they envision domestic abuse. The most common perception of this is a battered woman, perhaps with a cut on her cheek or swollen black eye. In truth, abuse can occur in several different forms. One of the most prolific of these is emotional abuse.
Experts reveal that emotional abuse is among the most difficult afflictions to recognize. A person who inflicts such abuse often does so with subtle nuances. In turn, this leads to an inability to accurately read his or her actions as abusive.
A Look at People Who Inflict Emotional Abuse
Emotional abusers act specifically to control their partners. They manipulate situations and people to evoke guilt, fear and shame in their victims. More specific are the following tactics of emotional abusers:
- Dominance: Abusers want to feel that they are in charge. To achieve this, they often make decisions for themselves and their partners without first consulting. They do not consider the other person’s thoughts or feelings, and simply expect their decisions to be followed without question.
- Embarrassment: Most abusers shame their partners in the presence of others, thus creating a sense of worthlessness in their victims. This is done deliberately so partners feel incapable of leaving. Thus, insults, name-calling and general disrespect are prevalent in many abusive relationships. Other less obvious tactics include chiding, ridiculing or undermining the victim’s capabilities.
- Separation: Abusers isolate their partners in order to create dependency. They typically keep friends and family away and may even prohibit partners from working or attending social functions. It is not uncommon for victims of emotional abuse to require permission to engage in activities outside of the home.
- Fear: Abusers frequently use fear tactics to push their victims into submission. They may threaten to hurt themselves, their victims, the children or household pets. In addition to verbal threats are intimidating looks and actions intended to signify that they are in charge.
- Blame: Abusers never want their actions named or confronted. To avoid this, they commonly blame their victims for their behavior. In other instances, abusive partners excuse themselves by saying they have a bad job, are experiencing pressure from work or home or do not feel appreciated. In other words, their actions are never their own.
To this end, the emotional state of an abuser often changes without notice. Therefore, he or she may be able to disguise verbal assaults or blanket them with later kindness. This makes the victim feel that he or she may have over-reacted to the initial incident. Thus, a vicious cycle of fear and guilt begins to form within the victim.
Signs of Emotional Abuse
Studies indicate that the after-effects of emotional abuse can be long-lasting and deeply-entrenched. Once they leave an abusive relationship, some women report an inability to trust. Others feel uncomfortable around people and fearful of how they are perceived.
Persons who are in emotionally abusive relationships often experience some of the following emotions:
- fear of their partner
- general feelings of helplessness and anxiety
- desire to avoid certain subjects that may upset their partner
- compulsion to concur with their partner on all matters just to maintain peace
- worry that their partner will suddenly become angry
- relief when their partner seems content for a period of time
Seeking Help from Abusive Relationships
Abusers are adept at influencing their partners. Thus, people entangled in abusive relationships often do not realize what is occurring because they feel depressed and ashamed. In such cases, it is the responsibility of family and friends to discuss the warning signs of emotional abuse with suspected victims. By finding a network of support, those who experience abuse can eventually obtain counseling and escape the painful situation.
Church officials, volunteers at counseling offices and hospital personnel can all provide information on overcoming emotional abuse. One of the foremost ways to leave an abusive relationship is for victims to be surrounded by loved ones. This will provide them with the strength necessary to confront the situation and acquire professional help.
Helpguide.org, "Domestic Violence and Abuse" (accessed May 30, 2010).
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